N: Bigger Attempts, Bigger Mistakes

mhb-n

Hello one and all!

Today I decided to revisit letter art; however, unlike my previous attempt, this time I decided to focus on one single image instead of several smaller components.

I quickly discovered that it is much harder to seamlessly produce a larger letter given the medium I was using.  Perhaps I have always known it is harder to pull off larger drawings, as my art has always tended towards the smaller size.  In fact, much of what I do is centered around the idea of being small and quiet: my handwriting is small, my fashion style muted, and my aspirations unambitious.

The smaller I draw, the smaller the flaws.  The smaller I write, the less space I take.  The darker I dress, the less attention I draw.  The closer I dream, the less room I have to fail.

I am not a perfectionist by any means, but I do have some tendencies reminiscent of that mindset.  If I fail, I want it to be in private.  I don’t want anyone to see my flaws, which is probably a factor behind both my low participation in school and my reluctance to show my body to others.  If I do something, I want to do it right, which sometimes leads to me not doing it at all.

I have to wonder though: is thinking and acting small a failure all on its own?  There is a difference between being realistic (I will never be a famous singer) and letting my idea of a possible future be held back by nothing more than my own insecurities (“I could never own my own business” – even though right now I see it as a real possibility I can pursue).

The bigger the attempt, the larger the possible mistakes.  As true as that may be, it may not be a good enough reason to not try at all.

Are you holding yourself back from your own dreams?

As always, much love!

 

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